The Laid-Off Life: Painting the Lawn Green

Nancy Anderson
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"The advocacy of what we believe is education, the advocacy of what we don't believe is propaganda." – PR pioneer Edward Bernays
"In this summer, this is very tough, in this summer I'm going to take my talents to South Philly and join the Heat Corporation."

Must be nice to be LeBron James. Unemployed for only eight days. He was so lucky to find a new job so quick. But in all fairness, he had to relocate for it. I hope he can find someone to buy his 35,440-square-foot house in Ohio. I’d hate to see him have to get a second job.

But what, you may ask, do LeBron James: Überwealthy American and You: Unemployed American have in common? Whether you’re trying to impress Pat Riley or Pat the HR Manager, you need to know how to market yourself. How to present the best "you" you can be. It doesn’t have to be a primetime television special to discuss your future arranged by a small corporation’s worth of PR agents. You self-promote every day with everything you do from how you style your hair to what shirt you wear to how often you wash your car. You market yourself by what you Tweet and what you choose for your Facebook profile picture. You market yourself by what team you cheer for in the sports bar, and by what sports bar you choose to go to. You market yourself with the font you use on your résumé, and how you shake hands with an interviewer. Everything you do markets yourself, intentionally or habitually, to the intended or to imperfect strangers.

Few of us study marketing or PR, but we all know it when we see it. And we all know how to do it on the small levels. In much the same way we see someone on TV give CPR and feel we could do it too if our neighbor collapsed in front of us, or how we’re sure if that were us at the plate that we could had nailed that down-and-away slider that Victorino swung through, years and decades of watching marketing-in-motion on television, online, and in our every day lives has made us both keenly aware of the self-promotion going on around us and ingrained in us the ability to adapt it intrinsically.

I’ve mentioned before that full-time job hunting is itself a full-time job. But it’s a job (unless you’re affluent enough to have a staff and assistant) which requires you to wear many hats to make your 'office' run, from CEO and receptionist to accounts payable and research. But if you wish to find a new home in the workplace, you better be sure your marketing department is top-flight. And by marketing department, I mean you.

You may or may not be an expert in such things, but you will need to learn on-the-fly to market yourself. First, schedule an hour on ESPN to announce your intentions. But seriously folks. When you’re looking for work, you’re not only showcasing your work history, experience, and ability to fill exactly the position they’re looking for, you’re also showing the world "you". "You" are a commodity, "you" are a product, "you" are a media event.

Your résumé, your career site profile, and especially your cover letters are like one-sheets for the business of you, they’re marketing materials and brochures that represent who you are. And you want the companies to which you’re applying to want to be in the "you" business. I am Michael Hochman, indie movie, candy bar, dry cleaner, liquid detergent, SUV, and I want your company to buy what I’m selling. I’m a vendor you want do business with.

And then there’s how you present yourself in the 'public eye'. If your résumé, your cover letter, etc., is your marketing division, the rest of the "you" is responsibility of your PR department. First step, and I am not going to hound on it because it’s been done to death, is getting your online life in order and presentable. Imagine you were the administrator of the Twitter feed or Facebook page of Binford Tools or the Hanso Foundation or Massive Dynamic or Vandelay Industries. You wouldn’t update about your binge drinkathon from over the weekend or how the CEO smells funny. Not convinced of the giant corporation metaphor? Same goes for individuals in the public eye (and not Kanye West or Mel Gibson), like a spokesperson or college professor or state senator. Everything they type, write, update, tweet, send out through the Internette tubes is up for scrutiny and sharing. Louis CK can tweet "Ricky Gervais, the biggest #$!& I ever even heard of, and Nick Dipaolo, worthless $*#&%^@", but you can’t.

That being said, by no means am I saying don’t be yourself. Be yourself, because that’s good marketing right there. Who are the most respected politicians and celebrities? The ones we feel are the most honest, the most 'real'. The ones we feel are themselves, the same publicly and privately. There’s a middle ground, and within that middle ground is 'privacy settings'. It amazes me when I hear stories of people that were fired from their jobs because of something they posted online. Just a few weeks ago, CNN editor Octavia Nasr was fired for Tweeting support for a Hezbollah terrorist, and we all remember the story of Dan Leone who was fired by the Eagles for a Facebook update criticizing the team over letting Brian Dawkins go. Why don’t people have their settings set to private? Why should the world beyond your friends know/see/care what you have to say? Unless you're Facebook friends with your boss or supervisors (and I have no idea why you would do that), no one should be able to see that stuff if you must post it.

Try this: when someone, a normal everyday schmoe, gets in the news for doing something stupid like pretending to be abducted and instead going to DisneyWorld or puking on a cop at a Phillies game, put their name in to the Facebook search. And unless their name is Joe Smith, nine-times-out-of-ten you will be able to find and see their wall and/or personal info. Why would you do that?? Go to Facebook settings, and set everything to 'friends only' (except the innocuous stuff, I suggest friends-of-friends for that). Pay special attention to what people can see on your public directory listing (including your profile picture because you can’t hide it) and how they can or can’t find you using a search engine. And don’t – DO NOT – forget that people you are not friends with can see what you post on a mutual friend’s wall or comment on their update. Additionally, utilize the settings for individual friends. If you must friend someone that you think can get you in trouble, set them to not be able to post on your wall or tag you in photos. For all those who don’t understand how the naked photos of you got around to everyone in your office, remember: nothing on the Internet is private.

I think at this point I need to circle back to my original point. Everything you do (or don’t do) markets yourself. The color scheme of your résumé, the email address you use, how you answer the phone when a recruiter calls you, the recommendations on your LinkedIn page, what you’re doing in your Facebook profile picture, your Twitter handle, how you treat a receptionist at an interview, how you shake hands with a potential employer, what color tie you wear to meet him, what you say in your PhillyJobs.com column. It’s all marketing or PR. And if you’re not good at that sort of thing, I know a marketing guy (me) that you can hire very cheaply. But you don’t have to find an expert (even though I will work cheap). You have been exposed to millions of marketing tactics and PR astroturf in your life; look in your heart because you know what to do. It’s not hard. You know what the public "you" looks like, and if you don’t like it, time for a marketing overhaul.

I am not going to slam you with a bevy of how-to’s about creating a nice résumé or what not to post on Facebook, there are a plethora of websites out there at which to find that information. But I will say: Be Smart. You’re an adult, you know good from bad. And there are 16 million or so of us out there looking for work, and each of us is wearing the accountant hat, the gofer hat, the HR hat, the acquisitions hat, the receptionist hat, and the marketing hat and the public relations hat. And if an interview asks you if you’ve ever run your own business, you can slyly say "Yes, I am CEO of the Michael Hochman Job Search Organization." But I suggest you use your name instead of mine.

So, be smart but live your off-the-clock life. If you like your résumé, chances are others will too. If you’re a good conversationalist, people will notice. And enjoy being on Facebook and Twitter and all the wonderful things they can do. Be smart but don’t miss out on life either. Even my cat – Quinn The Receptionist Cat – is on Twitter. Please follow her, she’s got a very fragile ego. And even though she has zero marketing aptitude, she knows how to get what she wants.


Michael Hochman
LaidOffLife@yahoo.com
? Laid-Off Life on Twitter ? Laid-Off Life on Facebook

Michael is a Copywriter, Creative Marketer, and Broadcasting Professional still in search of full-time employment after 12 months of full-time job hunting, thanks to an "involuntary career sabbatical". A Philly native and Syracuse graduate, Michael will gladly accept any job offer you may have for him. Any. Really. Please give me a job??

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey
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